if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
