Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
