How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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