So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize