Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
