shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
