butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
