pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
