i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
