My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
