she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
