im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
