Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
where does the pee come out of this thing
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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