I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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