It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
