her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
