3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
