At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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