i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
