i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
