Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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