Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
