I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
