why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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