i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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