My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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