Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
