I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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