i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
