If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
