she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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