if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
