Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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