very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
