i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
