It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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