worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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