Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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