I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
