I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
