Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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