Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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