living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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