She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
