he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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