i'm signing you up for texting rehab
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
