i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The best revenge is premature balding
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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