I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
