There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
