I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
