im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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