I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
